No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.
I hate that I think I’ve gotten rid of all the people in my life who attribute nothing to it. That I cherish the friends that remain so much I’m willing to do just about anything for them. But then the friends that are left, I just feel like I’m just there now. Like I’m next to nothing to them unless I’m important for something needed. (When the hell did it get like this?) I hate that I’m so easily tossed aside and forgotten that its become everyday life to me. I’m so used to it by now that even when it happens it only hurts for a little and then the rest is just me sitting here wondering why?
This year I plan on “doing me” forget worrying about how it’ll either hurt someone or ill lose them. What’s the point in living my life serving others if I’m just sitting here miserable myself? So Merry Christmas, this will be the last year I plan on giving back for a while. I’m tired of not being good enough.